Lonely a Latte

Working from home… what a blessing + a curse. Never in a million years would I expect to EVER work from home. I have literally declared for years that I could never see myself being a stay-at-home mom. Not to say that there is anything wrong with wanting that for your life… seriously. Totally up to everyone’s preference and calling. For me- I just never imagined being at home and so now that I am finding myself in a pandemic- here I am. Home day-in and day-out.

Wake up.

Work.

Sleep.

Repeat.

WOW is it hard!! I always considered myself an extrovert, but I guess I never really understood to what length I was in need of human interaction. Isolation is grueling somedays. I find it difficult to motivate myself to even get up and get moving. Getting fully dressed has definitely been more of a rarity- let alone doing my makeup or anything else of that nature.

A few Sundays ago, Zach looked over at me while we were having our morning coffee and asked if we were going to go to church today. (Churches have begun regathering here in Iowa) Honestly, in that moment- I knew I needed some Jesus this morning, but the thought of leaving the house actually didn’t seem appealing. When I realized what was happening - I actually grew very discouraged. How could this extremely extroverted and people-oriented person (the one who constantly whines about being in quarantine) now be too lazy to jump at the opportunity to go out?? It just didn’t seem to add up!

To this day, I don’t know if I fully understand it. Have I just become comfortable and now it seems like more work to get up and go? Zach and I have had a really hard time making friends during this season of our lives. Zach has some really sweet friends from his grad school, but since moving out here - I really haven’t found my people. It certainly isn’t easy making friends when everyone is stuck at home.

Loneliness can wreak havoc on someone’s spirit. It can breed a sense of hopelessness and dull the joy you have inside you if you let it. Maybe you’re not a total extrovert like me and you have actually really enjoyed this season of solitude and that’s okay, too! But maybe for the rest of us- there are some dark days. Our normal has now become a very very rare occasion.

Sometimes, I have to remind Zach that he is my entire social life right now. He has the pleasure of going to school and seeing his friends on a regular basis. But I - only have him… and our cat Toast.

*queue the cute cat pic

Which I will say, DOES make my day very bright and I love them more than anything and anyone on this planet. But once in a while… I just need a bit more social interaction. Though technology has come very far… FaceTime just isn’t the same as having FACE TIME with someone.

I do believe that God is using this time for the good and Zach and I are enjoying our best friend time together. I truly don’t know what I would do without him. Narrowing down my focus to him daily has really blossomed our relationship and we have grown in many ways in this newly wed season. I could not feel more blessed by him.

While I write this, I am sitting at a coffee shop down the road from our house in Davenport and this is the first time I put on real pants in a while. Full makeup. Hair done. I am even wearing dangly earrings. Might not sound like much if I were to evaluate my OOTD (outfit of the day) in 2019 but today it means a lot. I ordered my latte and am sitting at a hightop table by the window. Zach and I have decided to spend our afternoon of work and studying here today and I was inspired. I was inspired to share about how my latte, though a small gift- has brightened my day. A lot of people are struggling in different ways right now and I want to only be open and honest with you.

If you feel this way somedays… I want you to know that you are not alone. There is someone out there who is feeling the same way. In fact, I believe that most people may be feeling this way. I pray everyday that this troublesome season will pass and we can begin to see the beauty of travel, family reunions, and open arms again.

But until then..

today, I see the beauty in my latte.